This is so common that many SEND families have a name for it: the end of the honeymoon period.
Why it happens
The start of term runs on novelty and adrenaline. New shoes, new teacher, new classroom, a clean slate. For a lot of children, especially those who are autistic, have ADHD, anxiety, or sensory processing differences, that initial burst of energy carries them through the first couple of weeks. Many are also working incredibly hard to hold it together, masking their difficulties to fit in with new peers and expectations.
Masking is exhausting, and adrenaline doesn't last. By late September, the novelty has worn off and the reality has set in. The routine is now long, demanding and relentless. Homework has started. Friendship groups are shifting. The sensory load of a busy classroom hasn't changed, but your child's reserves to cope with it have run down. Add in the darker mornings, the first round of autumn coughs and colds, and a long stretch until half term, and it's easy to see why this is often the toughest point of the whole autumn term.
What it can look like
Every child is different, but common signs include:
Meltdowns or shutdowns after school, sometimes called "after-school restraint collapse," where a child who seems fine all day releases everything the moment they get home
Increasing reluctance or refusal to go to school, including stomach aches, headaches or tearfulness on Sunday evenings and weekday mornings
Changes in sleep or eating, such as struggling to settle, waking early, or becoming more restrictive with food
Regression in skills they seemed to have mastered, like dressing independently or managing transitions at home
A particularly frustrating experience for many parents is hearing from school that "they're absolutely fine here." That can be true on the surface and still not be the full picture. A calm child in class and a distressed child at home are often the same child, holding it in for six hours and letting it out where they feel safe.
What helps at home
Lower the demands after school. If your child is running on empty by 3.30pm, home time is not the moment for questions, chores or reading practice. A snack, a quiet space and something regulating (screens, a trampoline, a bath, whatever works for them) can make a real difference. Conversation can come later, or not at all that day.
Protect sleep and weekends. It can be tempting to fill weekends with activities, but many children need genuine downtime to recover from the school week. Consider pausing some clubs until after half term if everyone is struggling.
Keep a simple log. Jot down what happens after school, how mornings go, and any patterns you notice. This isn't about building a case against anyone; it's about having clear, factual information to share with school. It's much easier to have a productive conversation with "he's had a meltdown four out of five days this week, usually after PE" than with a general sense that things aren't going well.
Look after yourself too. Supporting a dysregulated child day after day is draining. Lean on whatever support you have, whether that's a partner, family, a local parent carer forum, or an online community of people who understand.
Working with school
Late September is a good time to check in with school, before small difficulties turn into bigger ones. It doesn't need to be a formal meeting. A short, friendly email to the class teacher or SENCo sharing what you're seeing at home can open the door.
Some useful things to ask about:
Whether the support in your child's SEN support plan or EHCP is actually in place this term, especially if there are new staff involved
What your child's day looks like, including unstructured times like break, lunch and transitions between lessons, which are often the hardest parts
Whether there's a safe space or trusted adult your child can go to if they're overwhelmed
Whether small adjustments are possible, like a movement break, leaving lessons a few minutes early to avoid busy corridors, or reduced homework for now
If your child has an EHCP and things are significantly worse than expected, remember you don't have to wait for the annual review. You can ask the local authority for an early review if their needs have changed or the current provision isn't working.
For many children, things do settle again once they find their feet and half term gives them a chance to recharge. But a tough late September is also useful information. It tells you, and school, where the pressure points are and what support might need adjusting. Treat it as feedback, not failure: yours, your child's or anyone else's.
Half term is closer than it feels. Be gentle with your child, and with yourself, in the meantime.